Best News of 2020, Power of a Should

Cheers to the next 4 years

👍 What went well: #BidenHarris2020

Finally, some good news in 2020! If you haven’t yet, watch Kamala Harris’ inspiring VP acceptance speech:

👎 What could be better: The Debilitating Power of a Should

My therapist pointed out this week how often I used the word "should" in self-reflections.

A) I forgot about a specific way we implemented something at work. I should have written it down

B) At this point, I should already know what I want to do and be an expert in that thing

C) I thought about this situation in a negative way; I should be more compassionate about the way I think about things

I attribute this "should" talk to my growth mindset - what can I take from this learning experience and what should I have done instead?

But it's also an unkind and unfair way to reflect. "Should" sounds like "What you did was a complete miss, you should not have done this at all & should have done something else." The "should" version assumes perfection, which should happen 100% of the time, and should have been realized in that moment (not just in hindsight).

My "growth mindset" is fueled by this negative energy. But growth isn’t mutually exclusive from self-compassion.

I'm actively catching when I use the word should. Then will try to reframe to carry a positive tone, but still keep the growth mindset.

Reframing the above:

A) I learned a new way to do something at work. Next time, I can write it down.

B) I've explored and tried so many things already and figured out there are things I don't like and few things that I do like. I can keep exploring.

C) This situation was a great learning experience that is teaching me how I automatically think negatively about something and how I can turn that around with self-compassion.

👉 What’s up next: Actively Eliminating Should’s

Replacing “should’s” with more self-compassionate talk, as above. :)

After typing the word should several times, it’s starting to look like a very weird word.

👌 Nudges of the Week

• Netflix: The Queen’s Gambit (100% Rotten Tomatoes! 🍅) - we started watching this show! It’s great (albeit sometimes slow for my tastes). The premise: an epic young lady finding her way (& killing it) in the male-dominated world of chess, set in 60’s. It has very many parallels to The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, from the aesthetics to the plot to the era. Nick and I have even caught the chess bug and will start trying to beat each other in matches.

• Artisions - Are you a commission artist? Know anyone who is? Reach out!

Should have a better signature than this,
Mika